Doubts

That run was brutal. Six weeks out from the Manchester Marathon, and for the first time, I’m seriously questioning whether sub-4 is possible.

Speed has never been my strength. My first marathon – London, aged 24 – took a year of training and still came in at 4:12. I was buzzing with that. Seventeen years and seven marathons later, I’ve still not beaten it. Meanwhile, I have friends who, with little training, comfortably run sub 4 hours. We all know these types – bastards. I’m not one of them! But after cheering at last year’s Manchester Marathon, I made a promise: next time, I’d break 4 hours.

I’m now 10 weeks into a 16 week training plan and, honestly, it’s gone really well! I’ve only missed one midweek run, kept my usual injury niggles at bay and stuck to the mileage and paces needed. I had a firm foundation before starting the plan too.

In the past, my training plans were…not great. A mix of short and long runs thrown together, loosely guided by “add 10% each week” and “taper every fourth”. No real structure. This time, I’ve been following a proper plan and I’m finally starting to get how different types of runs, sessions and paces fit together.

I’m part of the awesomely supportive Manchester Marathon Facebook group, and between that and various running podcasts, two names for training plans kept coming up: the Runna App and Ben Parkes. I didn’t fancy another subscription – though Runna’s new personalised AI tools are tempting for the future – so I went with one of Ben Parkes’ plans.

And what a difference! It’s structured, focused and aimed at my target time: 3 hours 55 minutes. I’ve also taken confidence in the success Ben’s plans have had for others. There’s good variety too – easy runs, progression runs, intervals, sprints, and (the often ignored) strength training. There’s even someone I follow on Strava doing the exact same plan for the same Marathon, and it’s been fun supporting each other! Shout out to Shaun Costello!

So why the doubts? My last two long weekend runs have been hard – far tougher than expected. The latest was a 32km effort, all at ‘easy’ pace (6:10 to 6:40 per km) except for an 11km in the middle at ‘marathon pace’ (approx 5:35 per km). I struggled to maintain marathon pace after 3 hours on my feet, and can’t fathom sustaining it on race day.

I should take heart, that with just 10km shy of the marathon distance, I felt fine the same day and remained injury-free. I’m hitting PBs and sticking to the plan, yet those nagging doubts persist.

These doubts spill over into other disciplines too. With JOGLE just 3 weeks after the Manchester Marathon, my cycling mileage is seriously lacking, and I don’t see how I’ll rack up enough before setting off. I’m embarking on a two-day hilly trial ride tomorrow which I expect to be quite the eye opening – especially since I’ve just prepped my bike with all the gear, and it’s heavy!

If I had more time, I could do fewer miles a day, but I only have 11 days. I’m also opting to solo camp, which adds significantly to the weight! I’m still excited but bricking it with all these doubts.

To top it off, there’s then just a nine-week gap before Ultra-X Wales, the two-day ultra through beautiful Snowdonia. My walk/trail run over Kinder Scout today reminded me that trail running is a whole different beast, and I’m far from fit for it, given my focus on road racing, then cycling.

Listening to The Running Channel podcast, one thing they’ve highlighted a lot recently is the need for belief. You have to believe you can achieve your goals. But some days mustering that belief feels as hard as the training does – especially when the doubts creep in. Yet I know that it’s in those exact moments that belief is so important! The mental fortitude. Because if I don’t believe I can do it, why am I trying?